Relationships Expire

Have you ever dumped someone? Have you ever been dumped? Have you ever had a friendship end?

Chances are that you can answer yes to at least one of those three questions so hopefully there is something that you can relate to in this post.

“Fall in love with your eyes closed.” – Andy Warhol

I have heard many, many married couples say, “marriage is tough.” That is such an interesting concept for me to understand. The most serious relationship of your life is also the toughest? To me, that seems ass backwards because I think that love is actually supposed to be easy. I don’t think that your relationship should be a burden or force you to compromise on your own happiness.

However, I do think there is a grey area here because when a relationship does face a challenge – I don’t think it’s always the right thing to do to just walk away immediately. So honestly, what the fuck do I know and certainly no one (like literally not one person) has ever accused me of being a relationship expert.

I have been in healthy relationships and I have been in toxic relationships. To be honest, I don’t know which ones I have enjoyed more. For some reason, the healthy relationships tend to become routine like – there are no wild highs or serious lows, you’re just living. Whereas in the toxic relationships, there has been so much fiery passion immediately followed by ice cold actions which usually then lead to hot sex to get back in touch with that fiery passion. No surprise that Brittany Spears’ massive hit song about a hot hookup was titled – Toxic.

(Seemed appropriate to plug Spears since she has a massive media presence given the recent documentary about her but let it be known here, I will never reference her in another blog post again – so please don’t unsubscribe!)

After a solid year of regrouping from one of the most toxic relationships I have ever experienced in my life, I’ve refocused what I am looking for in my next relationship. That’s if I even find myself in a ‘’next relationship,’’ because I am no longer seeking – instead if it happens, it happens.

“It is almost more important to know what you are not looking for than to know what you are looking for.”  - Drew Barrymore

I have called off a wedding with the person I loved most in this world, I have given away my dog after 9 years (RELAX, he is with my grandma and living his best life), I have cut my biological mother out of my life, I have dragged girls along and then dropped them just as things began to get serious – and I haven’t even batted an eye lash each time I made these detrimental endings to relationships.

But the idea that someone ends a relationship with me? Incomprehensible and devastating.

How is that I am so capable of being transactional with others but if I am faced with someone ending things with me, I become literally devastated? My therapist has a lot of theories as to why, but I will spare you the details.

So how did I finally accept the ending of a relationship when it wasn’t my decision?

I read a book and the author said that relationships expire. Just as the milk in your fridge has an expiration date, so can a relationship.

Would you pour milk that expired a year ago into your morning bowl of cereal? Absolutely fucking not.

I finally realized that my previous relationship had hit its shelf life and passed the expiration date!

Let me be clear, I realized this whole concept through many drunk texts and phone calls to my ex, two months in rehab, rekindling with other exes, a handful of one night stands from dating apps and just a few therapy sessions. It was not a simple overnight realization – so if you are currently trying to move through a breakup, I am not discounting the severity and intensity of your pain. But remember – its expired milk and that shit is disgusting.

Breakups aren’t just with the ones you fuck either.

Best friends can come and go even faster. These breakups may hurt even more because a best friend is supposed to be truly unconditional with their love – though not unbiased, it’s fair for them to have judgment. But when a friend decides the relationship is over, same concept applies – the relationship has hit the expiration date.

Don’t pour expired milk in cereal and don’t dwell on relationships that have met their shelf life.

-Austin