Highs and Lows
Highs and Lows
I often think that we tend to believe we are working towards something that is going to make us happier than what we are right now. I have mentioned this before, that we believe what we have right now does not meet our full potential for happiness - so we constantly desire whatever is next, or more than what we have.
I think it was February or March of 2020 and I was nearing an absolute rock bottom because of the amount of chaos in the foundation of my life as I knew it.
This is when I met nurse Sarah. Sarah was a nurse at a hospital in Irvine where I was spending the night and she had to hang with me for my entire 24 hours stay. I am not going to go into the weeds here as to why I was at the hospital under 24/7 supervision, but perhaps you can read between the lines.
Thank the friggen lord for Nurse Sarah. She was sweet, caring and authentic and she tolerated me for the entire night. After about two hours of nonstop complaining on my part, she asked if she could explain to me a theory that she applies to her life.
If she wasn’t as cute as I thought she was, I probably would have straight up told her, “No, I’m not finished bitching.” But her cutes and charms shut me up, allowing her to finally get a word in the dialogue.
She asked me, “Have you ever seen a heart monitoring machine?”
Slightly annoyed with this question, I replied “Yeah, Sarah. I am aware of what a heart monitoring machine looks like.”
“Great, so then this should be easy for you to understand.” She said, “You’ve been sitting in this room complaining for hours about how your life has been all over the place and you’ve gone through so many ups and downs and you’re sick of it, right?”
Intrigued by where she was going with this (or maybe just lost in her blue eyes) I said, “Yes, Sarah. That’s right. My life has no freaking consistency! The highs are high, but the lows are fucking LOW!”
“Do you know how we determine if someone is alive based off of the heart monitor?” She asked.
“Uhm, no, Sarah. I don’t need to know this information. You’re the nurse here, not me.” I responded with sarcasm. I was a little grumpy and I thought this might be a way of flirting with her – typical mentality of a child.
She completely disregarded my sass and said, “The single sign that someone is alive is by a heart monitor that goes up and down and up and down. It symbolizes their heartbeat and life. When someone doesn’t have ups and downs in their heart monitor, it means they are nearing a flat line. Which means they are no longer living.”
Nurse Sarah had captured my undivided attention – far beyond her blue eyes now.
“What you’re describing as a lack of consistency and your frequent ups and downs is called LIFE, Austin. You are living your life. You don’t want to flat line. When you no longer have ups and downs, then it means you’re no longer living. Focus on what you can do to ride the highs when they come but more importantly, be sure to bounce back quickly when you hit a low.”
Numbing Versus Living
What Sarah had just described to me was so eye opening in that moment. All my life I had been trying to numb the lows I was going through because I was so uncomfortable with handling the negative emotions. But even more significantly, I wasn’t even able to enjoy the highs I had because I was too stressed out wondering when the next low would be.
I think the appropriate term is a dooms-day-er. Constantly waiting for something to go wrong.
Her concept of life being a heart monitoring machine filled with ups and downs totally resonated with me. Because I realized that nothing is permanent and that is okay.
When we are experiencing a low, know that it is temporary, and it will pass. But most importantly, when you’re are on a high, enjoy it while it lasts and look forward to the next one.
-Austin
